i never really liked

my name 

much

until i found out 

what it tastes like 

when you sigh it 

into my

mouth

(Source: oceanicforest, via 7swell)

The photo shoot was for a charity calendar. This is its second year being produced, and it raises money for “Home for the Holidays”, which helps those dying of AIDS related illnesses to take a final trip home to see their family, typically during the holiday months. The calendar is called “Boyish to Bearish”. The facebook page can be found here.

So far, one of the most enjoyable aspects of creating a web series is finding the music and ambient noises for the audio tracks. Writing, for me (especially script writing) becomes rather tedious after a bit. If I start playing the audio tracks I’ve picked out so far, it helps snap me back into the appropriate headspace. I suppose that would be a fairly obvious statement overall, but I just really noticed how strong of a focusing effect it has on me. Perhaps I’m noticing this so much due to lack of sleep. Whatever the reason, I’m really happy with the audio tracks I’ve found so far and it’s really helping to bring the creativity bubbling to the surface.

So, I was scrolling through my dashboard, and I come across these gif’s that have been made of me from an xtube video I posted some time ago. I see that it has a lot of notes, and it makes me feel kinda happy and embarrassed all at once. I decide to click on the notes because I just wanted to see what people said about the gifs. I probably shouldn’t be bothered by this, but almost everyone that commented on the picture called me a “chub”. There’s nothing wrong with being a chub, and I think chubby guys are very sexy most of the time, but I don’t personally think I’m a chub and it kinda bums me out because I put a lot of work into my physique. I go to the gym 4-5 times a week and I restrict what I eat. I wake up at 7am and run 5 days a week. I guess maybe it has to do with this stupid body dysmorphia thing I deal with. IDK it’s stupid to be bummed out by being called a chub, but it does anyways.